The “I Should” Syndrome

Have you ever met someone who is all the things you have on your “must have” list but you have no chemistry or spark with?

Are you beating yourself up, trying to convince yourself that you “should” like this person, because they tick all of your boxes, yet, there is something missing?

Join the club.

I’ve been divorced since November 2017. I dated like a banshee last year, met a ton of wonderful men, and sadly all but one fell into the category of “I should.” The one who didn’t couldn’t lean in, which is something high on my must-have list, as you can’t have a relationship without being met in an equal space.

I beat myself up over it. Here I was, meeting a lot of great guys, and feeling guilty in what I was feeling, but more importantly, what I wasn’t feeling. I finally let go of my guilt, and realized, that for the first time in my life, I wanted to be true to myself-and honor all the hard work and therapy I had put into growth. I couldn’t look away this time.

However, it haunted me. Here, I had manifested what I had wanted, and all the things I had wanted were in front of me. But I was unhappy, and worse, feeling guilty not reciprocating my feelings.

What would any normal woman do in my situation? Introduce them to a friend!

Why this works, and how to do it:

  1. When done with love and kindness, it shows the person who you’re introducing that you have their best interest in mind.
  2. Call the person who you are dating first to let them know what your thoughts are, and why. No need to blindside someone-show the utmost respect for them,  first and foremost. You may need to discuss your feelings because they may not be picking up the cues.
  3. Tell them that you feel this person is a better fit for their needs-especially if you know that what they are seeking is 180 degrees away from what you are needing and wanting.
  4. Stop feeling guilty. Love and chemistry are two things that are unpredictable, no matter how we want thingLori Mendelsohns to work. Even though I hate the saying “it is what it is”…..it is. And no self-talk is going to change this.
  5. Be happy that you are introducing someone you like to someone who may be better suited for them. If your end result is happiness-then karma will play into this…

Lori Mendelsohn is a professional matchmaker. With a knack for introducing people who wind up saying, “I do,” she can be reached at smartfunnysingle@outlook.com. Her website is www.smartfunnysingle.com


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Read more articles by Lori Mendelsohn

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