You meet someone in person, online, through a business meeting, or at an airport.
You click. You think about them non-stop. You imagine what your life would be like with them. And then, the reality sets in. The dreaded long-distance relationship.
Can they work? It all depends upon the two people who are involved, the level of love and desire, and of course if one of you is willing to relocate and/or uproot your life.
I’ve been in such a relationship. I grew up in Southern California and had an apparel business. I attended trade shows 4x per year in New York and met someone at a trade show. Oddly enough, we had the same manufacturers rep and were placed next to each other for three days. I had a tee shirt design that changed color and needed a pair of warm hands to demonstrate how it changed with heat. After two days, my future husband and I decided it was more than warm hands we had for each other and the rest is history.
We flew back and forth-seeing each other on weekends and even went on a vacation together. We met each other’s families and it was blissful. Bashert. I ended up moving to NYC and pursued my career and it was clearly the best MOVE I ever made. Sadly, marrying him was the biggest mistake I ever made, because two weeks into the marriage, he pronounced that “as a Middle Eastern Wife, I should obey him.” Yeah, you can imagine how that played out.
Fate or kismet doesn’t have GPS. If Cupids arrow hits you with someone a continent away, then think about the repercussions of dating someone who lives so far away.
Here’s what I found:
- You can’t grab an ice cream on a whim with that person, which, in itself is wonderful. I use this as an example because spur of the moment fun can sometimes be the best memories you make.
- You are on your best behavior when you are visiting.
- Sex is incredible, because it’s not day to day, mundane or boring. It’s almost like the first time, every time.
- You never really get to see the person in his or her worst moments. These can sometimes be deal breakers if you don’t have a strong commitment nor understand that you can’t always be on your best behavior. Things happen. People get crabby, testy, mean, snarky and depressed. And most of the time, those behaviors are hidden in fun when you only see them for a short period of time.
- You miss the sweet intimacy of doing nothing, repeatedly. And watching a movie, cuddling, and making out can be some of the most amazing intimacy on the planet. I found that things felt more planned when I would visit and vice versa.
- One person needs to be totally available to move and move without looking back-willing to forgo seeing friends, family and realizing that they need to basically start over. Is that something that most people are willing to do? And is this person worth it?
About the author
Lori Mendelsohn is a professional matchmaker. With a knack for introducing people who wind up saying, “I do,” she can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org. Her website is www.smartfunnysingle.com
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